The last week has been dominated by the Gillette ad about toxic masculinity causing “men’s rights activists” to flail around in meltdown mode. They’re angry at some perceived assault on males and masculinity. They blame feminazis for their emasculation because they can’t be nice to women anymore. Me Too is a witch hunt bent on ruining people’s lives. They’re angry because NOT ALL MEN. If only those hysterical women had a real man to shut her up or put her in her place. What’s happening to this PC world where snowflakes are causing a blizzard? It’s a scary time to be a man.
Here’s something for those man-babies to chew on. They may be angry. But women? We’re furious.
We’re furious because every single day we live with the very real threat of assault and violence, evidenced yet again by the latest murder. How it pains me to write those words.
In case anyone is unsure of what toxic masculinity actually is, please take a few minutes to watch this rather brilliant video explaining. Don’t worry, it’s a man talking, not a hysterical woman too emotional to understand. Go ahead. Watch it. I’ll wait.
Finished? Good. So we’re all on the same page about what toxic masculinity is. Now let’s talk about the senseless tragedy this week.
Aiia Maasarwe, 22 years old, deeply intelligent, on an exchange student program to La Trobe University in Melbourne. On her way home Tuesday night she was stalked, attacked and murdered. Her body was found metres from the tram stop. Many details are still unknown but it’s clear she was also sexually assaulted and the police have described the situation as “horrendous, horrific, random, opportunistic”. An arrest has been made, and given how quickly investigators have moved and asked so strongly for public help, the violence speaks for itself.
She was talking on the phone to her sister at the time. Just trying to get home. Doing nothing wrong. Simply targeted by a random man who saw her and felt entitled to satisfy his evil lust. Rape is never about sex. It’s about power. Domination. Anger. And further evidencing toxic masculinity, the MRAs/incels have derisively “joked” that maybe the offender should have watched the Gillette ad.
Excuse me while I go throw up.
If your first reaction to a woman being raped and killed is to wail “NOT ALL MEN DO THIS DON’T TAR US ALL WITH THE SAME BRUSH YOU BITCHES WANT TO DEMONISE MEN”, your priorities as a human being SUCK. If you’re more concerned about your own feelings that the women attacked all around the world, you are part of the problem. Make no mistake, this IS the reaction of many to Aiia Maasarwe’s case and countless others. Meninists who’ve been ‘red pilled’ and their nauseating female defenders have taken to their keyboards to play the victims and somehow make this and other acts of violence against women all about them. How egotistical. Usually these guys claim they have daughters, wives, mothers. They insist they’d always step in against sexism. But any woman will tell you, so often they don’t. In fact, they’ll laugh at the “joke” about her body. High five a mate. Join in with the wolf whistling. Egg each other on.
Even worse is when an offender is described as a “good bloke” or having had his life ruined by a mistake. There was no end to such nonsense in the Brock Turner case. He was portrayed as a promising swimmer, an aspiring Olympian. His family and friends wrote glowing character references, lamenting how his life was now forever altered, painting him as the real victim while not sparing one iota of thought for the young woman he assaulted behind a dumpster. Geoff Hunt of Lockhart who murdered his 41 year old wife and their three children aged 6, 8 and 10 before turning the gun on himself was sympathised with because of his wife’s disability. And in 2018 when a grandfather killed his wife, daughter and his four grandchildren was again applauded as a great guy. A Good Bloke doesn’t murder people in cold blood or from some delusion that its better this way. These men are not pushed into anything. They are not pressured. They do not snap. They make a choice to end lives which they have no right whatsoever to do.
Not, it is not all men who behave this way. But it’s enough of them who do and enough of them who stay silent.
It’s enough of them that one woman is killed every week by a current or former partner.
It’s enough that 1 in 5 Australian women have experienced sexual violence.
It’s enough that there were millions of #metoo hashtags around the world.
It’s enough that Dr Christine Blasey-Ford is still unable to return to work because of hate mail and vicious death threats after bravely testifying to the US Senate.
It’s enough that every single woman has at least one story of a time she was attacked, demeaned, threatened, made to feel unsafe. From a terrifyingly young age.
You know how old I was the first time I recall a man making me feel uncomfortable?
Five years old.
Maybe he didn’t mean it. Maybe he was just being nice. Maybe I overreacted. But I have never forgotten the squirming of my stomach when a grown male kissed my hand and spent the rest of the day hovering while I was trying to read.
I’ve been followed by strangers on the street. Sometimes in broad daylight. Shockingly common for women. And that’s just the times I’ve noticed it. It’s entirely possible that I’ve been followed and haven’t realised. I’ve been groped. Touched. Threatened. Leered at. Catcalled (started when I was wearing high school uniforms). Propositioned. Had my path blocked. Guys asking me for my number and not handling it when I said I wasn’t single (because guys usually respect women if they’re already ‘owned’ by a man). Responses range from “Doesn’t matter. You’ll give it to me anyway,” or the classic “What, your boyfriend doesn’t let you have friends?”). I know women who’ve been threatened when refusing to give their number. Or given a fake number only to have the guy immediately call it to make sure it’s real. People pressuring me to start dating again, berating me for not wanting to. Because it’s not like I have a choice or anything, right?
From pop culture to reality, women are urged to always be smiling, available, ready to throw ourselves at the feet of white knights who pay us ‘compliments’ in the form of harassment. Blamed for ‘friend zoning’ Mr Nice Guy. Give that creepy guy a chance but if he rapes you, why did you put yourself in that situation. Dress for the pleasure of men but you’re at fault for leading them on with your clothing. Don’t be so paranoid about men wanting to attack you but for God’s sake keep an eye on your drink, and don’t walk alone. Don’t be anywhere alone. Make eye contact because otherwise you’re a bitch but how dare you lead me on with politeness and basic human decency? Here’s my Nice Guy card with eight loyalty stamps. Let’s get into bed because you owe me. If you are raped or assaulted report it straight away because waiting even a moment means it’s all made up to get money and fame from some poor man who has so much to live for. But we still won’t believe you because you drank alcohol at 18 and once had consensual sex with another person. If you come forward later why didn’t you say something sooner? It can’t have been that bad. And make sure there’s plenty of witnesses but how are they reliable because of this feminist conspiracy against men? Don’t be a prude but don’t you dare have sex because that proves you’re a whore who was asking for it. Remember to keep yourself safe but how can you be so paranoid. Do absolutely everything you can to protect yourself but please don’t be obvious about it because the poor men have such fragile egos.
It’s toxic masculinity that means women have to constantly be aware of their surroundings and alter their schedule in the name of safety. It’s toxic masculinity that led Elliot Rodger to shoot 20 people because he felt entitled to sex. It’s toxic masculinity that means the worst way to insult a man is by calling him a girl. It’s toxic masculinity that I witnessed when a male customer reduced his 3 year old son to tears for wanting to play with a bug catching net at my old retail job (“You want to be a girl?!? You aren’t playing with girl toys!”). It’s toxic masculinity that means male victims of domestic violence and sexual assault are forgotten because women are too weak and pathetic to ever be a threat to anyone.
Women are tired. So are the truly good men out there who support females. I am tired. Devastated. Furious. We cannot live our lives without the threat of assault, violence and murder. Which we are then blamed for.
We know men are better than this. We know the the patriarchy hurts men too. But if we say it we’re hysterical man-hating feminazi snowflakes who don’t know what we’re talking about.
My heart is breaking for Aiia Maasarwe, her family and the other women who experience this kind of violence. She is now another name on a tragic list.
Virginia Morse. Anita Cobby. Samantha Knight. Sian Kingi. Janine Balding. Leigh Leigh. Leanne Holland. Karmein Chan. Sheree Beasley. Ebony Simpson. Karen McKenzie and her three children. Sarah Spiers, Jane Rimmer, Ciara Glennon. Lauren Barry and Nichole Collins. Maria Korp. Jill Meagher. Masa Vukotic. Stephanie Scott. Eurydice Dixon.
Men may be angry. But women are furious. And we aren’t going to stay quiet any longer.